All too often parties and even lawyers have no civility in family court. While it is understood and appreciated that parties are highly charged in any type of family law proceeding and their conduct, to a degree, can be excused and tolerated, there is absolutely no excuse for family law lawyers to step into the shoes of their clients and engage in unprofessional conduct and personal attacks against the opposing side.

Like with any great profession such as doctors, athletes, CPA, etc., attorneys are professionals and we are paid to remain objective and professional no matter what the other side says or does even if the other side is an attorney who has taken on the personality of their client. A great mentor once said, kill them with kindness because the practice of law is our profession, not our lives.

All family law attorneys, be them seasoned or green, should also be acutely aware that you are in the wrong area of law if you cannot go have drinks with opposing counsel after a case has concluded because clients come and go but our reputation shall remain throughout your career. A good reputation can settle cases, allow for continuances, provide for a lower level of stress and an overall greater quality of life. This is not to say an attorney should compromise their client’s interests in anyway because we as attorneys can zealously advocate for our clients and be completely objective and professional at the same time.

To provide an excellent example of civility in family court, the following is an email to Attorney Cadora from a seasoned and respected San Diego family law attorney sent after several months of litigation and an extremely long trial:


I want to share with you that I enjoyed working with you on the case we completed yesterday. You are professional in all respects but also have an appropriate sense of humor where needed. It is that combination that will allow you to thrive doing family law. Without that combination, your sanity and your effectiveness as an attorney will both suffer.

In particular, I recognized and appreciated that you were superbly prepared for our hearing. Too many attorneys do not put the needed effort into the modest cases like we did yesterday. Fact is, our clients deserve the very best we can give them, no matter the issue, no matter the “size” of the case. It is clear to me that you are of the same mind.

As a more senior (i.e., old) member of the Bar, I experience all too many hearings with younger attorneys where it seems that they just do not “care” as much about our profession as I would like. Ours is a profession; not a job. I am pleased that you appear to be made of the right stuff to carry on our profession at a high level of expertise that will be a model for your generation of attorneys. All the best.


The foregoing email from an opposing counsel is exactly what Fair Cadora stands for in the sense that we are aggressive yet reasonable attorneys and we never compromise our ethics, civility or professionalism for any one case. The foregoing mission has served our clients well and hopefully served the San Diego Family Law Community as a whole because there is no need to depart from civility in family court.

To learn more about family law and civility in the courtroom, contact one of our family law attorneys today.