Child custody mediation in San Diego is an important stage in any custody dispute. It’s a chance for both parents to sit down with a neutral third party and work out an agreement without having to go to trial. However, what you say in child custody mediation is as important as what you should not say. The wrong words can damage your credibility, derail negotiations, or impact your custody rights.
Here are the five things you should not say in child custody mediation in San Diego, and why staying calm and respectful works in your favor.
1. “I’ll do whatever it takes to win.”
One of the most damaging statements you can make is that you’re trying to “win” custody at all costs. Mediation isn’t a competition. Mediation is meant to be a negotiation focused on your child’s best interests. Saying you’ll do anything to win can make you seem aggressive, manipulative, or unwilling to compromise.
Understanding what not to say in child custody mediation starts with avoiding combative language. Instead, focus on what arrangement is best for your child and show that you’re open to shared parenting if appropriate.
2. “My ex is a terrible parent.”
Even if you’re frustrated or angry, attacking your co-parent’s character will only hurt your position. Mediation is not the time to vent or place blame. Saying things like “They’re a horrible parent” can make you look bitter, uncooperative, or unwilling to co-parent.
If there are legitimate concerns, such as neglect or abuse, present them calmly and with supporting evidence. Otherwise, remember that what not to say in child custody mediation includes personal attacks and name-calling. Keep the focus on your child, not your feelings about your ex.
3. “The kids told me they want to live with me.”
It may be true that your children have expressed a preference, but using their words as leverage is a major red flag in mediation. The mediator may see it as a sign that you’re pressuring your children or putting them in the middle of adult conflict.
One of the most overlooked aspects of what not to say in child custody mediation is how you talk about your children’s opinions. Let the professionals decide how and when your child’s preferences are taken into account. Don’t speak for them or make it seem like you’re trying to influence their choice.
4. “I won’t agree to anything unless I get full custody.”
Going into mediation with an all-or-nothing mindset can shut down the process before it even begins. Mediation requires compromise. Saying you won’t accept anything less than full custody makes it harder for the other side to trust you or negotiate in good faith.
Understanding what not to say in child custody mediation also means recognizing when your demands may be unreasonable. It’s okay to be firm on certain boundaries such as concerns about your child’s safety, but framing your position as non-negotiable can backfire.
5. “I don’t need to follow the agreement – we can change it later.”
Never suggest that you’re willing to ignore or change the agreement informally once it’s in place. Saying this may raise doubts about whether you’ll respect any mediated resolution. Courts and mediators expect parents to follow the parenting plan unless it’s legally modified.
A large part of what not to say in child custody mediation is anything that undermines the legal process. Show the mediator that you respect the court’s decision and are committed to following the agreement.
The Words You Choose Can Shape the Outcome of Your Case
What you say during child custody mediation in San Diego is a window into how you parent, communicate, and handle conflict. Mediators and the court are watching for signs that you can co-parent effectively and prioritize your child’s well-being. Understanding what not to say in child custody mediation allows you to demonstrate maturity, emotional awareness, and a commitment to your child’s best interests, all of which are qualities that carry significant weight in custody decisions.
Work With a San Diego Child Custody Attorney
Mediation can be emotional, but it’s important to stay as calm and collected as possible. At Fair Cadora, our experienced San Diego child custody attorneys can help you prepare for mediation, avoid missteps, and negotiate a parenting plan that serves your child’s best interests. Knowing what not to say in child custody mediation is just one part of a larger strategy. We’ll help you walk into mediation ready to present yourself in the best possible light.
If you need assistance with the child custody mediation process, schedule a consultation with our San Diego family law attorneys today.
